Update

Haven’t slept. Complete personality instability happened, changing every few seconds.

I tried to visualise a body I felt comfortable with moving in space, which helped a bit, but things were shifting a lot. I tried to visualise someone like me but just a bit less stooped, but every time I’d shift upwards I’d feel more angry/aggressive. I felt myself become left handed briefly, I thought maybe I should keep that as the closest thing to proof that I’ve got, but the problem was that my sense of self in the world had to be shifted through itself back to front for this to happen, so I could only visualise myself writing backwards, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to drive or do my job. I could visualise ambidextrousness as an option halfway through the inversion, but I imagined losing all my keyboard shortcuts and having to explain why my work was taking longer than usual!

All the usual cliches about body language and posture were true, and not in a subtle way — a small tweak of the foot direction inwards or outwards was fear or aggression, lifting the chest brought forth a roar of emotions. Every joint did something, I could turn from a small prey animal to a towering predator

I think I popped everything way too fast, maybe a little shift every few weeks would have allowed me to manage it.

There was one part of my body I couldn’t unlock, where I’d had a surgery, on one side, and that seemed to have a knock on effect, stopping other areas reaching an equilibrium.

Or maybe the jaw was the source of the problem. I had a severe underbite, which apparently gave me my personality. I couldn’t only change it a little bit, my only option was to go all the way to an overbite, and it seemed to shift me from left to right handed somehow. What’s the stereotypical personality you’d imagine for someone with an overbite? That’s what I felt coming on.

Just manually shifting the bite a bit didn’t cause any immediate change, but popping every locked part of my posture did — and after the popping and the hypermobility spell, the new bite felt solid, like a habit — it all did, I looked like a different person — much better looking, but I felt like I wan’t in control of the emotions any more.

I’ve put my bite back as close as possible to where it was, but doing that hurt, and it’s not quite the same. I’m still shifting emotional states as I shift posture, but my internal monologue is kindof the same, weirdly. It does feel like when I think different thoughts I can feel different parts of my brain filling up, but that might just be my scalp moving as muscles tighten and loosen. I’ll try to sleep, in my old body’s fetal position.

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Bendyass Gage

I think I might be the Phineas Gage of sexuality, gender, empathy and some other stuff